What is this REALLY FOR??….

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Can i ask you a question?
Whats holding you back??

This post is about challenging you to consider rather than focusing on what is holding you back, to focus on what is PULLING YOU FORWARD

When i started, i HATED working out. Hated eating clean. Many days, i STILL DO!
but i decided to make myself start because i knew sakari was about 5 months of me having enough “bad days” before she would likely lose her mother to suicide. It wasn’t a matter of me having time (i worked 3 jobs and had kari), or money (i was on food stamps and WIC) or desire to work out and eat broccoli (i used to eat 2-3 cinnabons in a day…with extra creme). It was a matter of me weighing the costs. And counting it NOT WORTH IT to put my daughters story at risk. I had to bring the reality of that risk RIGHT in front of my face and treat it as that. I had to stop putting it off as something that would become a rish Down the road. I had to decide NOW to change it NOW. no matter what.

What is the risk if you dont finally act on taking care of yourself? What are you NOT seeing improvement in, in your life, because of the fact that you’re not taking care of the ONE life you have? It may not be suicide for you. But maybe its the fact that every day when you pass by a mirrorn you then spend the next 40 minutes biarading yourself with hateful thoughts and the Rest of your day goes downhill from there- every conversation, every interaction, every work demand. Everything weights heavily and negatively. Because of that initial self hate trigger.
Maybe its not that for you- but instead its that you know youre limiting your life potential/span by not treating yourself well and somehow you can deal with that distant threat… but your kids..your kids dont like healthy food….. so you havent changed the family diet..have you noticed they want what you want? Whatevers on your plate- gimme mommy! Maybe it doesnt scare you to think of YOU not being around for a long time. But how does it feel envisioning your KIDS dying of diabetes or high cholesterol even cancer because it was engrained in them their entire lives to not be intentionally active and nutritoius. Sounds harsh i know.BUT THATS THE DEPTH WE ARE TALKING ABOUT HERE. Im not playing guilt trips here. Im being honest. sometimes that’s the depth you have to go to, to realize what you’re really saying by saying “health just isn’t my priority right now”. Trust me jesus is my priority. But if i kill off my body, jesus aint gonna have jack shit he can do with me as a vessel. Listen. Putting the risks off into the distance is the THIEF of all breakthrough. Breakthrough doesnt happen over 10 years. It happens the INSTANT you DECIDE it matters to you and that you’re changing no matter what.

What is holding you back? I challenge you to consider the bottomless amount of reasons you have PULLING YOU FORWARD into change.

what worked for me was starting with a support coach, making common sense nutrition changes, drinking a vitamin shake daily and working out 30 min 5 days a week.

I INVITE you onto my team, to begin the shift in your routine, toward your life being better ( now AND down the road) if you arent sure Which program you’d want to start with, THATS FINE. you can use beachbodys version of “netflix” for ELEVEN of their most proven programs (yeah you get them all) for $40 and 90 days of streaming access to them anywhere you have wifi. OR of you’re wanting to Go ALL IN and want to do shakeology like i do (for a million reasons),
$130 will set you up with 1 month of shakeo, and then youll just pay TEN dollars to get that $40, 90 day streaming program access. Or you can choose one hard copy dvd program to pair with your shakeo. WHATEVER YOU CHOOSE TO DO. JUST DOOO IT. You are amazing
Treat yourself amazingly

You know the drill
Sophie.beya@gmail.com or fb

Comparison is the Thief of All Joy.. don’t do it.

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I hate when setting goals turns into comparing stories, comparing growth & envying changes. I hope we ALL make it. There’s enough for us all.
In all things.
There’s enough hope.
Enough encouragement.
Enough jobs.
Enough friends.
Enough husband’s.
Enough God & breakthrough.

I’m not competing against anyone. There’s enough for us all. I’m just working WITH me myself & I to make my temple SERVE ME. period.

A Word to the Crying One

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Truth is:
Today SUUUUCKED.
Some days are just down right HARD.
Some days your baby cries for hours on end. Around the clock. Morning through night. Morning through night. Non stop for 3 days. And you feel like this all has to mean you’re simply a horrible mom. Some days you feel like if one more dish piles up on the pile that you already know you can’t get to, if one more to do list item gets neglected for another straight week, if one more emotional plug goes haywire. .. If.one.more.thing.happens.youre going to SCREEEEAAAAAMMMMM.Or
Better yet.
Break down and cry.
How often do I cry? Pretty often.more often than before being a mom. Less often than when i was a teen wink emoticon how often do I wind up being okay?… I’m going at about a 100% rate currently, so that’s good.
Some days are just hard. So THANK THE GOOD LORD WHO ORCHESTRATED TIME & IT’S WAVES, for the fact that this time & every single time- no matter what it is, BOTH YOU AND I will be okay.
Contrary to what conclusions you may be jumping to, I’m actually not sharing this because i so badly need your support. I’ve got my designated ppl for that & my sweet Sweet Jesus. I’m sharing this because someone else cried today, and the LIES that happy looking social media selfies left that person with, is the idea that everyone else’s lives are dandy and they are the sad reject who can’t keep up & can’t get it right. NO. We all freaking struggle. You are not alone. You are so so so understood. If i could grab your face right now I would! YOU ARE UNDERSTOOD. I UNDERSTAND YOU beautiful broken one.
Do I plan to post cryitoutselfies on a regular basis? No. I want to be uplifting. BUT i also want to be AUTHENTIC. And any person. Who tells you they smile all the time and never just lose their wits & absolutely turn into a cry fest- is a looneytoon. Is it odd that I took this pic. Absolutely. But. if any part of you identifies with having a hard day. Feeling like life is in a hard place right now. Or even more, that life PERIOD is just always hard….this is for you.So stay strong mama.
Stay forgiving spouse.
Stay tender son.
Stay hopeful widow.
Stay joyful job searcher.
Stay ambitious, one who’s ideas are rejected.
Stay diligent, unappreciated one.
Stay consistent, unnoticed one.
Stay humble, amazing one.
Stay full of faith, seemingly shamed one. You will not be shamed. The Lord said so.

Cry it out. And then get back to receiving all the patience, forgiveness, hope, love, joy, breakthrough, brainstorming, grace & help that God has tucked away special for you.

Cry it out. And then back to being you.

I don’t Love Fitness

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When I had her… I remember thinking. “Now. I make my move now”. Almost like an animal on a strategic prowl. I didn’t want one more ounce of self doubt, or defeat, or shame, self hate, mentally self imposed weakness, or complacency to take root in my skin. I wanted to draw a line in the sand. Between who I had accepted I was: misguided, stupid, weak, uncommitted, undesirable, and a hot mess. And instead,side with the person only I had the choice to make a reality, me, my best self.
I remember my first week o home workouts. I laid on the floor crying because I couldn’t do a sit up. My stomach had just been cut through for her to be born. But that didn’t make me feel let off the hook. I still hated myself for my weakness. I remeber the defeat from that moment, crawling all over my body and me suddenly believing I couldn’t do Any of the workout. I laid on the floor crying and texted my coach that I couldn’t do any of it. She said ” you mean to tell me that that modifier in the video can do it? And you cant?” I took a step back from my pitty party. And chugged on. The next day was a new chance. I began to use each day as a strategy to find out what worked best for me. What pre workout meals. What drinks. What time of day. How to motivate myself. It was a one day at a time process.
It still is.
It’s crazy to FEEL a lifetime away from that reality
And yet to continue working on my mindsets,habits, strength, self love & courage every day.

I’ve been needing a big challenge. There is a season for everything. This last month or so has been a “rest” season for me. Before that was 2 months of 2aDays. Every season is diff. But i can feel it stirring in me. The desire to see just what I’m capable of. To push beyond the limits I’ve formed around myself. I’m a little bit scared. Ok I’m a lot a bit scared. Scared I’ll find myself 3 minutes in crying and quitting. But i know what comes from that. I will push through. And i will find deeper strengths
Deeper self belief and fortitude. These practices we learn with working out are so much more than that. They’re the fortitude that gives us confidence when Life is going wrong and we don’t think we can hold it together anymore- its that knowledge of self and self strength that I formed in 25 min of hell with shaun t that has built me up to not even QUESTION whether I can hold it together amidst a life storm. It’s that habit of waking at 430 to workout when it’s the LAST thing I want to do, that shows me, yes, yes I CAN wake up to spend time with God, or yes I Can follow through on that commitment even though I’m exhausted. I’m used to discipline. This is what I do.
Do we rest? Yes. Of course. That is not the point. The point is I’m excited to push myself physically with this new program because I know it is going to yield so much more it me that “has NOTHING” to do with fitness. I’m in this for the life stuff.
For the stuff that makes me better for this little girl right here. Fitness is just the vehicle.
Truth is: I don’t love fitness.
I love improving the wholeness of me. And God uses all sorts of things to do that. He’s a crafty one.

Moms.. you are STRONG, NOT BROKEN!

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Fiesty Alert:
To all the mamas feeling like childbearing disabled you- BUMP THAT. rather it was a BLARINGLY OBVIOUS Display of your OTHER WORLDLY strength that has yet to be matched by any other act on earth. Why is it we come out of quite literally THE most miraculous, physically trying, (though beautiful, undoubtedly) long suffering…feat KNOWN to man… and we somehow assume a “I don’t know if I can do this or that activity anymore.that child carrying and birthing thing really took it out of me”….ummmmmm….. how about “I can LITERALLY DO ANYTHING… clearly. ” THAT should be our attitude. I suffered with the worst of them (blessed to be alive, don’t get me wrong!) So don’t think I just had it easy. 42 weeks, 81 hours of labor. 53 without meds. 5 hours pushing. C section. Hemorrhaging after- – my body took TIME to recover. But please believe – with the support of an online fitfam- i came outta that mess with such a heap of confidence I NEVER had before. Ran my first half marathon AFTER that baby. Have stayed committed for 11 months FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER to healthy living AFTER that baby. I get suffering. I’ve lived with depression. I’ve survived suicide attempts (THANK JESUSSSS!) so i GET the mindset of being beat down by life and by the changes childbearing put your body through. But why not Rise Up FROM that season and CONQUER IT? Why not be the woman who CLAIMS her strength instead of feed off of the attention her weakness can get her? Come on mamas. You’re legit the . The bee’s knees. .com get it together. Stop having your pitty party. Seriously. YOU’RE AMAZING. Having a baby doesn’t have to be a doctors note out of being physically capable… it can be a “oh shit watch out, this mama can accomplish anything” banner over our heads.
No more self pity. Trade it out for self belief. No more quitting. Get up and claim that you’re a boss. Clearly. You just grew a human. And now you’re raising a world changer. That is mind blowing. Stop trying to eradicate old habits all on your lonesome. Lean into some other bosses. (That’s been #1 for me not hiding away and falling off when my motivation disappeared) And freakin spend a devoted season growing YOUR life, like you grew the life of another. Literally. If we put that much attention into OUR growth, safety & health? (Think about it?! All the Dr appointments, the vitamins, the foods we cut out, the priority we place on rest and avoidance of stress. The planning, the reflecting…man..) Shoooooo- we.would.be…. gosh! I gotta stop.moral of story : mom’s. We’re amazing. And i believe we can do anything. Anything.
End rant.
(Know someone who needs to hear this? Or who may be encouraged by this description of their amazingness? Share it with em!)
Off to snuggle my nugget!

Asparagus TIP!!

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Tip for keeping your asparagus fresh!
I used to go twice a week to the grocery for asparagus. No more of that non sense.
Put some water in the bottom of a mug, plop the asparagus in there and throw it in the fridge! Done! Fresh for a week!
Boom. You’re welcome.

21 Day Fix IS NOT a Quick Fix

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I do not believe in quick fixes. The name of this program put me off at first. BUT. it Was a fix. Not like i thought though.

It was 21 days of Fixing the way my mind was trained around food. 21 days of learning and practicing the discipline of healthy eating and exercising daily; Hard Work. 21 days to fix the way I viewed meal prep & how absolutely essential & crucial it is to maintaining healthy eating habits amidst a busy lifestyle. Three weeks of Fixing what my eyes & mind thought of as a necessary portion size. It was not about weight loss for me. I lost…3lbs?? depending on what time of day I measure! The scale is not how you measure success.
I do not believe in quick fixes. I believe in renewing my mind.

My Story

thanks for coming to hear my story. If we haven’t met, then the next few minutes are going to be a little like showing up to a blind date, and jumping right into bed. so, super classy ๐Ÿ˜‰

No but really though. thanks for taking a second out to watch this quick video of a small piece of my story and journey over the last few years.

as exposing as this feels, i only hope it will land on the eyes of the one who needs it

share, comment, subscribe ๐Ÿ™‚

Something Different

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I did something different tonight. Well God did.

If you’ve heard my story, it may not surprise you that my once deep & penetrating relationship/communication vessel with God… has been… well… I’VE been cautious. really more than anything, I’ve not been able to TRUST that i in fact HEAR from God. I’d thought it was God who told me to marry this practical stranger. How could i trust MYSELF to discern anything accurately after that. So naturally. I’ve shied away from us talking much. Me & God. which. is a superb recipe for life sucking.

Years ago when I lived in Sudan for a year, i took a 2 week trip down to South Africa. For those of you who haven’t walked the dichotomy of South Africa vs the vast majority of the rest of Africa… its like walking into America, within africa. i remember feeling such extreme culture shock. the lights. the shiny floors. the paved roads. overwhelming development. I’d been living in a mud hut with grass roof and bathing kids out of a bucket day in and out. i ran back to my fancy hotel room panting and fighting off a panic attack. i did the one thing i knew would make me feel familiar and safe and of sound mind. i grabbed my perfectly clean clothes (thanks to the lack of dirt roads in SA) and threw them into the hotel bathtub. i turned on the water and began scrubbing my clothes by hand like I’d been doing for laundry all year long. i scrubbed fervently until my breathing slowed. my heart stopped thumping and my brain silenced. i remember needing so badly to just grasp one thing that didnt feel scary and shocking.

tonight was a little the same. once you’ve had a taste of God’s presence..its all you can ever settle for satiating your true depths. but you’re left in a bit of a predicament when you don’t feel safe enough approaching this satiating God.

I had this odd desire tonight. so i went with it. and i couldnt be happier that i did.

i turned out the lights. turned on my max 30 workout. but muted it. turned on a worship channel that i (out of FEAR for becoming a stranger-marrying-idiot again) haven’t been able to bring myself to listen to for almost 2 years now… i used to get lost in this worship. everything else would fade & i’d feel my most tender heart merging with a super near God spirit. any time i’ve tried to listen to it since the day the husband left 2 years ago… my skin jumped off of my body and my heart instantly wrung out.

but tonight..i turned it on and began doing the workout.

it was the first time… in……. ages. that i felt safe. calm. and in “my zone” to be able to offer up praises to a God that my brain knows deserves them regardless of how shitty my days and my decisions windย  up being. i jumped around. panted. and huffed and puffed out words of love to God that i’ve wanted to utter every day for the past 365 days and more. what an odd entry into the presence.

its 4 hours later and that worship channel is still on.

so “something different” for the win.

thanks God for letting me grow into myself via fitness so that it could usher me back into intimacy with you. I’m wit it ๐Ÿ˜‰